10 Pictures That Prove Wrestling is Eurovision
It's a well-known fact across Europe (correction: the world) that the Eurovision Song Contest is the single most ridiculous, bombastic, extravagant display of patriotism seen outside of America. Each year countries battle it out to determine who has the best taste (and highest budgets) in mechanised fashion; ranging from giant spiked shoulder pads to fully automated butterfly wings to blindingly reflective latex dressing gowns. That's right - if you thought Eurovision was about the singing, you've been worked, brother.
It turns out that in many ways, the Eurovision Song Content and professional wrestling aren't all that dissimilar. Both have snarky commentators (some we treasure dearly), truly ridiculous outfits and maintain a sense of kayfabe. Both have faces (good guys) and heels (bad guys - I'm looking at you, United Kingdom), and both find themselves mocked and dismissed by people who just don't get it.
That's why I, Jo Graham, new wrestling fan and old Eurovision fan, have taken it upon myself to draw the obvious comparisons between the most ridiculous contest in Europe, and the most ridiculous sport in the world.
1. Cyprus vs Cage Matches
Believe it or not, this isn't a cage match. It's Cyprus performing last year at Eurovision. Why did they decide to put their musicians inside several small cages? We just don't know.
2. Shinsuke Nakamura, generally
For those who don't watch wrestling, Shinsuke Nakamura is basically already a Eurovision contestant. He's accompanied by violinists, his entrances are ridiculous and his outfits are always impressively innovative. I mean, just look at this:
3. Russia vs The Undertaker
Everyone knows that giant black wings are very goth, and very cool, because The Undertaker made it so. Was Russia's 2016 performance an ode to the end of The Undertaker's streak two years prior? Yes, definitely, shut up.
Breezango, aka The Fashion Police, are what would happen if a performer at Eurovision got lost and accidentally stumbled onto Smackdown. I mean, just look at them. They're here to have fun, and hand out fashion violations to the most offensive outfits as declared by Graham Norton.
5. Stardust vs Ukraine
So you thought Stardust was the only one to dress up in androgynous metallic lycra? WELL YOU WERE WRONG.
5. Charlotte on a throne carried by many hunks
This one's self-explanatory for any self-professed Eurovision fan. Beautiful women being carried by hunks dressed as gladiators? That's *so* Eurovision.
6. Lordi vs The Kiss Demon
Just saying, The Kiss Demon from WCW could easily blend in as Lordi's 6th member and no one would notice so long as he wore a tiny Finland top hat.
7. Dustin the Turkey vs The Gobbledy Gooker
Fun fact: there was once a wrestler called The Gobbledy Gooker who was a turkey. Another fun fact: Ireland's contestant in the 2008 Eurovision Song Contest was this guy, Dustin the Turkey.
8. The New Day
Let's face it, if The New Day took on Eurovision they would win. They have co-ordinated outfits, wacky instruments and heaps of charisma, and that's literally all you need.
Calling it now, Jedward would make the best heel tag team. You thought the fans hated Roman Reigns? You ain't seen jack, mate.
10. Graham Norton on colour commentary
I know what you're thinking. "I've been watching Eurovision for YEARS and I've never made the comparison between Graham Norton and my favourite colour commentator!" Well, that's why I'm here. WWE, if you ever want a replacement for Jerry Lawler, I humbly suggest Graham Norton. He has way better fashion sense and isn't literally the worst.